ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
