AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
