so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
