My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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