gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
