hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
