I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
