We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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