i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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