I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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