Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
