I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize