Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
