her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
