just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
try to milk me bitch
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