Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
