I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
