This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
