I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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