i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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