I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Terrible idea I love it
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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