everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
