i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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