I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize