I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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