I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize