Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
