Kiss
Puke
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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