Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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