Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
