You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
