I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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