i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
