Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Are we still banned from the library?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
