How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
