Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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