Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
