in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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