YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
