THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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