Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
