I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
