it was like getting a handjob from robocop
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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