hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
