Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
