turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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