there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
