I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
