I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
