Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
