how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
