Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So many bounce houses so little time
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
