Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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