Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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