Got a toothbrush?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize