i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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