no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
