Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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