I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
