you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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