being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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