Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize