What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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