i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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