ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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