You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
